Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
