Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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