My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
