well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
