Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
