The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
