ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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