There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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