girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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