well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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