ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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