Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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