Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
