I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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