Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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