If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize