I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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