Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
