i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
