She's JV to your varsity
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
