I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize