i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
