I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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