wat bout pragnant strippers??
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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