I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
