Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
