She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
