It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
