bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
