If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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