i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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