I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
