"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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