hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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