my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
