Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
