I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
