I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
