Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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