alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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