wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
