his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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