Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
