Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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