the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
