I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
