The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
