you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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