yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
