Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You've changed since you got that strap on
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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