I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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