Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
