You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize