One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
