there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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