I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What happened to fro yo and sex?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
