My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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