i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
