Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
