my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
