Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
