I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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