He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
