that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
