dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
