The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
