i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
