I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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