I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
