She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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