You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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