So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
