i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
