I will die if light touches me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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