Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
