How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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