fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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