Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
