i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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