so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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