I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think my tv is drunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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