Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
