I cockslap morals
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
