We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think your dad took our porno
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
