im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
