I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
