I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
